Real Life Random.. Batman

BATMAN is out saving the scared and helpless... Yahoo news has a cool story about the current exploits of the caped crusader. Click this line to read it.

Women... OH MAN!!! Get the Duct Tape

NEW SEAT BELT!

Ever sit and listen to people fight... in a language you don't know.. yeah. Did that.

I love the above comic, dont know who did it. Doesn't even need words.

buy the way, be sure to look at the latest Opossum Creek and have a great weekend.

Head trauma

Had a conversation with a buddy recently. He wanted to know if I wanted to buy his new mattress as he bought the wrong one and didn't want to haul it back to the factory.

Normally, I'd jump on a deal like that, but this time I didn't. For two reasons. The first, I have a new mattress. The second, I distinctly recall my doctor saying something along the lines of, "No more mo... jumping on the bed." Gets kind of fuzzy sometimes. They said I had a concussion related to some primates and some arial activity. Strange.

Service Announcement for Men Everywhere:

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner Babe?
SAFER: May I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Here Honey, have some wine.

DANGEROUS: Are you really wearing that?
SAFER: Oh baby, let me look at you!
SAFEST: Wow, you're sexy in brown!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some wine.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about now?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE: I understand Sweetie, have some wine, and tell me all about it.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: We still have the apples you like in the kitchen.
SAFEST: Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some wine.

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: Man Sugar, I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more wine.

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13 Things PMS Stands For:
1 Pass My Shotgun
2 Psychotic Mood Shift
3 Perpetual Munching Spree
4 Puffy Mid-Section
5 People Make me Sick
6 Provide Me with Sweets
7 Pardon My Sobbing
8 Pimples May Surface
9 Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff

and we can't forget this one:

13. Potential Murder Suspect

Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh!
...Or men who need a warning. And remember: Money talks .... but Chocolate SINGS!!!

Sleep and work

Two wholely independent things that usually go on in the space of a day, but should rarely be mixed. Sleeping on one's keyboard not only results in a strange grid being imprinted on your forehead, but can also afford you 17+ pages of 'k's. Another unfortunate side-effect is that the boss catches you in the act and has new cause to accuse you of being 'unproductive'.
Need an easy fix? When woken by a coworker or superior immediately check for drool. This must be done quickly and with as little cholent as one can muster in a situation like this. If no drool is found, immediately say, "In Jesus' name, Amen."

Even more awkward situations can arise, however. Like blurred vision or the inability for your corpus callosum to effectively run messages from one side of your brain to the other, thus, making it extremely difficult to identify objects. Strange things can occur. Like sticking your razor in your mouth, rather than a toothbrush. Or perhaps you have difficulty at the office despite the quantity of caffeine you attempt to induce.

Smart Models

While watching TV, I caught an interview with a young model. She said, with the greatest of Sincerity the following words:

"I don't know why, but I have always walked in a strait line. My feet just go one in front of the other."

That is one tallented Model.



Click here to see the next great tool.

Critical thinking...

Yesterday's conversation with a coworker. We were talking about nuts or something, here's the transcript, enjoy:

"Good choice with no walnuts…they are for old people anyway..."

"Yeah, and my mom ruins cookies all the time by putting walnuts in them. Like she doesn't want me to eat them or something."

"Ah ha….that is WHY she does that….now you understand how women think…."

"Umm…. no. Just more confused. Why the emphasis on 'why'?

Are you saying that women believe it's necessary to temp others (specifically men) with something they don't want in a blatent ruse to try to compromise their collective integrity? Like a constant test to see if someone is worthy or perfect, just to be able to laud it over them when they ultimately fail because they are temping yet another member of a race bound to sin? A fact which referenced testor has decided to neglect for the purposes of these constant and beligerant experiments? Simply looking of some one who is worthy of the task, but secretly and unconsciously aware that no one will ever pass every test and so they will never find their champion and hope is lost on them? Causing them (again, mostly men) to become aggrivated and to give up on the tests because their integrity will never be complete without divine intervention, which most men are too proud to accept? Said aggrivation then turns into a methodology which warps their perception of how women think of them? Ultimately they look upon others as those who are contestants in the game of life who will, invariably, lose every time.

Hey, nobody's perfect. :P"

Ode' to bathroom

I realized something today. I mean I think I already knew this but today it just became so obvious.

People would rather be Lazy than Clean.

How did I come to this conclusion? The final straw was in the bathroom. Not just any bathroom, but the bathroom of a medical clinic. In an environment where health and cleanliness is so important the obvious disconcert for this is shocking.

There is a trash container in the Men's room, as in most restrooms, however this one travels. It seems the certain trash container in question cant sit still. Some days it sits nicely by the door, allowing the men to have been mature enough to wash their hands to discard the paper towel after using it to open the door. Thus protecting them from the Boys who don’t wash their hands. This whole concept made good sense to me. I don’t like the idea of washing my hands, only to soil them while leaving the very room I cleaned them in.
Yet as they say, boys will be boys. These Boys like to move the trash to right below the paper towel dispenser. Obviously a move of convenience. Move the trash there so you can do your little 5 second all water no soap sink routine, grab a towel and easily toss it into the trash. Does this Boy care about the cleanliness of his hands? NO! Which is coldly apparent as they smoothly strut to the door, gripping the handle with their semi-dry filth ridden hands.

Lazy I tell you, Just lazy.

I say clean, clean I tell YOU!!!!!

Dangerous ground

Heard out of my mouth...

"Even though she's far more mature and intelligent than her older sister, give it say, 5 minutes, and you'll know she's still a girl."

Fortunately, 'she' has no idea who she is and I don't know anyone who is crazy enough to tell her.

Randomness: Headphones and a laps of reason

Do you get the chance to listen to headphones, more specifically at work?
Sitting here now in the 8th day of training we are going through transfers and I have headphones on. Thank goodness for that too. If not for them I would be driven completely mad by the unintelligent questioning and meaningless banter given to cover the blatant stupidity of my fellow classmates. Yet here I am listening to music and I get caught up in the moment from time to time. So much so that I have to hold very hard to my vocal cords and not speak out loud.
I have this habit of mocking things I find silly, dumb, or of less then meaningless value. So obviously I mock a LOT of commercials. I catch myself almost mocking out loud the commercials flowing into my ears through the headphones.

Under normal circumstances this would be of little to no consequence but I don’t see it being such a good idea to startle the class with a quick mocking of the exaggerated "YAHOO!!!" from the yahoo music advertisements. Oh the struggles of being me. LoL..

Thanks for reading.


Well I think its time to take a bathroom vacation… I mean break.


PS. Here is a funny:


Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table; he
looks into his small bowl. It's empty. "Who's been eating my
porridge?!!" he squeaks.

Papa Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into
his big bowl, and it's also empty. "Who's been eating my Porridge?!!"
he roars.

Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and
yells, "How many times do we have to go through this with you idiots?
It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everyone
in the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear
who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away,
it was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch
the newspaper, it was Momma Bear who set the table, it was Momma
Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled
the cat's water and food dish, and, now that you've decided to drag
your sorry bear-asses downstairs, and grace Momma Bear's kitchen with
your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I'm only going to say this one
more time:

"I HAVEN'T MADE THE ^&$#@! PORRIDGE YET !!!